Fateful Lies
by Demon Vampire180
Summary: Hakkai has a mental breakdown, leaving his companions speechless. When he comes back he suddenly realizes that maybe it's time to let go of the past. MxM Kind of OOC. Lemons maybe. More than one pairing. INCOMPLETE
1. Surprise

Hakkai fell to his knees, a line of tears streaking down his normally composed face. It was all coming back to him; flashbacks of his past before his eyes like a broken movie reel. What had he done to deserve this. Was he so horrible a person?

His companions stared at him, watching the tears stream. He held his hands out in front of him; looking at them as though they were dirty. All he could see was the blood he had spilled. The blood of his beloved Kanan. _How could she do such a thing to herself? _He thought bitterly. _How could I let her go like that? Dammit! Why couldn't I even protect her? I'm so weak._

"Hakkai? Are you alright? You're acting kind of funny." The youngest of the travelers set his hand on his friends shoulder.

Hakkai roughly shoved it off and screamed, "Don't touch me!" Then more quietly, "or you might become dirty, like me."

Goku laughed. "What are you talking about? You're not dirty. Least not last time I checked." He smiled wider. "And if you're so dirty why don't you go shower? I'm sure it's open." Hakkai turned his head to him, his hands still held out in front of him. Was this boy serious? No. Of course he wasn't.

"You don't understand. I can never be clean of this blood. Of the horrors that my past holds. You just don't get it!" His head throbbed and his eyes burned as the tears rushed harder. "I've killed so many. Watched as my lover died before me. I could do nothing! Absolutely nothing."

Goku stared, confused. "What are you talking about? It wasn't your fault." Hakkai lashed out at him, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, staring into Goku's golden eyes with his own pain-filled ones..

"No, Goku. I could have done something. If I'd stayed. If I hadn't gone I could've made sure she wasn't taken. That vile man planted a baby inside her. I could have killed the baby and taken her with me. But all I did was sit back and watch." His grip tightened. "If only I'd died instead, I wouldn't have to live like this-"

His sentence was stopped short when Gojyo grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him away from Goku. Holding him there he glowered, a half burned cigarette hanging from his mouth. "What the hell are you talking about? Imagine how much more this would hurt her. Have you ever thought about what would happen to her? Having that guys baby is a hell of a lot worse than you living without her. Her pain would be so great she'd have committed suicide anyway. Isn't it best she got rid of the source of pain then having it get rid of her first?"

Although the words were supposed to comfort him it only made Hakkai angry. He began trying to hit Gojyo with anything that could reach him. "Kappa no baka! You just don't understand! If you had the choice you'd fuck every girl you've ever seen. You don't seem to understand what it means to find your one true love! Who have you ever lost that's been so important to you that you'd give your life for them-"

"That's enough!" The leader of the small group stared at him with hardened eyes. Gojyo was looking away, the ash of his cigarette hanging on just barely. His eyes looked of anguish and rememberence. "Dammit Hakkai. What's the point of losing it now? Who do you think you are? Do you really think that you're the _only_ one who's lost someone important to you? Look at these people. We've been traveling together for so long that you seem to have forgotten what drew us together in the first place. Every one of us understands what losing someone special feels like." He turned to Gojyo. "Let him go." Reluctantly Gojyo did as he was told. "If you're going to be an ass go find some where to cool down. I already have to listen to those two. I don't need to listen to you, too." As if his words were final, slowly Hakkai stood and walked stiffly away from his fellow group of travelers.

Hakuryuu watched him go then turned to the other three and let out a small, "Kyu?" as though in question. No one replied. He flew over to Goku and landed on his shoulder. "Kyuu?!" He whined, more incessantly this time. Softly he tugged at Goku's shirt. Goku didn't reply. He only sat on the ground, bringing his knees to his chin. Since he didn't get a reply, Hakuryuu flew over to Gojyo landing on his shoulder.

* * *

"Go away you damn dragon." Gojyo hissed, pushing the small dragon off his shoulder. His eyes were narrowed, the red crimson wavering a little with the threat of tears. Slowly Hakuryuu flew away from him. He didn't even attempt to get Sanzo's attention. Instead he perched himself on a nearby tree to watch his masters friends.

Hakkai walked further into the forest in a trance-like state. Why had he said those things? It wasn't his friends fault that he felt so defiled. So dirty. And Sanzo was right. How could he say that to Gojyo, his best friend? And why was he suddenly remembering all those horrible things? It'd been years since it happened.

When he became weary, he found himself a rock and sat down. His head fell limp into his hands as he began to cry. Was that all he could do? Cry? _Only children cry_, he thought. He attempted to wipe them away but quickly gave up. It was no use. For who knows how long Hakkai sat there on that rock, crying, and thinking. Dark had long come by the time he finally stood. He'd lost his way. Or at least he feared he had. To him it seemed to take longer getting back then it had to get to where he'd been.

He soon found where his companions had been, though, for Hakuryuu sat in a tree, curled into a little ball. As Hakkai approached, Hakuryuu lifted his head, blinking rapidly. "Kyu? Kyu!" When he'd spotted Hakkai he had pretty much jumped to his feet and flew down to Hakkai, landing in his unprepared arms.

"What? Oh. I'm sorry. I suppose everyone is angry at me, now." He murmured, petting his dragon under the chin.

"Damn right we are." Said the familiar voice. Hakkai whirled around to see Sanzo leaning against a tree, arms crossed and a cigarette in his mouth. "We thought you weren't ever coming back." He took a drag on the cigarette and blew out the smoke. "So. Have you cooled your head a little bit?" He dropped the cigarette on the ground, putting it out with the heel of his foot.

Ashamed, Hakkai looked at the ground and replied, "Yes. I'm sorry to have said such horrid things to you all."

Sanzo humphed. "Well then why did you say it?" Hakkai looked up and to his surprise, Sanzo has a slight smile on his lips.

Suddenly embarrassed, he turned away. "I don't know. Finally tired of putting up with all of you. Mental breakdown."

"Is that so? Well whatever. I'm going inside." Sanzo was about to slip back into the hut they'd found when Hakkai called out, "Wait!" Sanzo turned around. "Hmm?"

Surprised he'd said it, Hakkai stuttered, "Um... Well.. I just wanna sat that... Well... I-I'm sorry." Sanzo smirked, his amethyst eyes glittering.

"What for? All you did was mentally scar the stupid water sprite and our baby monkey." The teasing tone in his voice made Hakkai want to strangle him. Wasn't he ever taken seriously? The stupid priest pissed him off and yet he followed him. He couldn't understand. What was it that inspired him, a still tame demon, to follow a priest that could kill him in an instant? It certainly wasn't his charm, or his attitude. It most certainly wasn't this mans choice of profession. If it wasn't that, then what could it be?

Then suddenly, like lightning, it struck him. He suddenly knew what drew him to this man. He was in love with him. All those things he claimed he wasn't attracted to was a lie. Of all the things that should have told him to stay away.... Starting with a snicker, and then a giggle, Hakkai began to laugh, long, loud, bellowing laughs. Hakuryuu flew out of his arms as he doubled over with laughter that shook his entire body, one hand holding his glasses to his face, the other grasping his stomach.

"What's so funny?" Sanzo demanded. The smiled had faded and was now replaced with a sneer like glare. "What's with your inside jokes?"

"Oh. Excuse me." He giggled. "But I've just realized the most interesting of things." He giggled harder. Hakkai could hardly breathe he was laughing so hard.

"Stupid healer, would just get to the damn point?" Hakkai heard the annoyance in Sanzo's voice. It made him laugh only harder. "God damn! You're just as bad as Goku and Gojyo!"

Hakkai wiped away a tear of laughter before finally shouting, "Sanzo I'm in _love_ with you! I just realized that I'm in love with a fucking man -after saying all those horrible things- and that man is _you_, Genjyo Sanzo!"

"Erk," Sanzo said, taken aback. "You've gotta be kidding me. There's no way in hell that's possible. Did you eat a poison mushroom or something that made your head a little fucked up, Hakkai?" Violently Hakkai shook his head.

Slowly he straightened, pushing his glasses up, as his laughter faded. A serious look over-came him as he stared at Sanzo. "I don't know what is about you. You chain smoke, you're rude, you're constantly hitting the other two. Your attitude is that of an animal. You don't look like a girl and you most certainly don't even _slightly_ resemble Kanan. You're violent and smell of man. But despite all that I can't think of anyone but you. Your antics make me laugh and you violence is what keeps things alive. Although you smell of man, it's a sweet smell, that may remind some of a woman-"

"Oh thanks. It's a real compliment being compared to a woman." Sanzo muttered, interrupting before lighting yet another cigarette.

"Uresai." Hakkai shushed him. "You act like a mother, although rather roughly. You've kept the four of us together and alive. You've single handedly made sure we were all fed, clothed and and taken care of. Who wouldn't be attracted to that?" He'd stepped closer to Sanzo, and was close enough to rip the cigarette out of his mouth.

"What the hell-?" Before he could ask, Hakkai silenced him with a kiss. All Sanzo could do was stand in shock. The thought of another man kissing him had disgusted him beyond belief. It was no different with Hakkai. Roughly he pushed him away. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Hakkai? Are you insane?" He shouted, wiping his lips with his sleeve. "And what the fuck am I supposed to do? Leave you all out for the wild animals to eat? Gladly I would but I guess you guys aren't as bad as I thought you might be. You're not a fucking woman Hakkai so why are you suddenly acting like this?"

Looking away Hakkai muttered, "I don't know. I'm sorry. Goodnight. I'm going to sleep." Hakkai moved ghost-like to the hut, disappearing into the darkness, leaving a stunned Sanzo behind.

"God damn. First it's Goku and Gojyo confessing to each other like a bunch of girls, then Hakkai. Am I the only straight man left in the world?" He shook his head, reaching for another cigarette before remembering the one Hakkai and taken out of his mouth was his last one. "Shit." He muttered, stretching before heading towards the hut.

Gojyo and Goku were already when he'd walked into the hut, so he quietly walked to one of the empty corners and laid down. Resting his head on his arm he stared at the bleak wall, wanting to cry. _How could I say that? What if I don't feel the same in the morning. Hakkai no baka! _He thought, using third person to increase the impact of calling himself an idiot.

What Hakkai didn't know was that Sanzo wasn't so sure any more about his sexuality. That the kiss hadn't bothered him as much as he claimed it had. Perhaps Hakkai had a shot, but he just didn't know it yet.


	2. Fatal

The next morning, Hakkai awoke to the sun as usual. His body felt still and his eyes sore. After rubbing his eyes, standing, stretching, everything from the day before came back to him in a single wave. _They're going to hate me. I just know it. I'd better prepare. Maybe making food for Goku will keep him from hating me for too long. Perhaps I should go get Gojyo more cigarettes. Last time I looked he was almost out. And Sanzo-_ His face flushed red as he remembered the amethyst eyes boring into his. How angry those eyes had been, and how he'd confessed his love for a man to a Buddhist priest. Suddenly he felt so very stupid.

Since he'd been thinking so hard, he didn't even notice the three missing figures until he turned around. Sanzo, Gojyo, and Goku had left, leaving only a note on the wooden table. _You rest. We'll be back soon. Gone to town to get food._ He smiled. _How unlike them. Some how I still don't understand why we slept here rather than in town. Everyone knows how Goku loves cuisine, and how Gojyo loves looking at women. And of course Sanzo. Even the thought of sleeping on the floor makes him shudder._ _Well never mind. But without them here, I've nothing to do. Perhaps I could read. Or train or something. I wonder what the others do when left by themselves. _He smiled at the thought._ Goku is probably thinking of food. It really does sometimes seem as though that's all he knows. And Gojyo probably thinks of woman or sleeps. That's all he ever does besides fight. Although he might actually train. That would be a site to see. And Sanzo. Every knows what he does. First he reads the newspaper while smoking, then lays down and then probably prepares himself to yell at Goku and Gojyo. _At that he let out a short laugh. It amused him slightly.

"Ah. The peace and quiet is so nice." He muttered. "I guess I'll just sit here and wait. I'm not much into training, reading, or eating." Hakkai walked over to the single window in the room and sat on the single bench, staring out into the forest.

What seemed like ages later, Hakkai hear the familiar sound of Hakuryuu's engine. Slowly he stood and stretched. Sitting for so long he felt stiff. A moment later the other three stepped into the room smiling and joking. Well, except Sanzo. He held his fan up, about to strike them, stopping short when they'd suddenly stopped laughing.

He followed their gaze, it stopping on Hakkai. "Good morning." He said hesitantly.

"G'morning." Gojyo muttered, setting the bag down on top of the note they'd left. Goku didn't even do that much. He noticeably ignored him, turning instead to Sanzo to complain.

"Sanzo, I'm hungry!" He complained, grabbing the priests sleeve.

Sanzo glared. "What am I, your mother? Make it yourself!" He growled.

"You know I can't cook!" Goku whined, tugging the white sleeve.

Sanzo ripped it away, straightening it. "You think I can?" Goku gave him puppy-eyes, and Sanzo waked him with the fan. "God damn. Just ask Hakkai to do it." He'd faltered slightly on the name, the word funny on his tongue.

Goku's body went rigid. "Never mind." He said quietly. "I'm not that hungry. I'm sure I can wait." Everyone stared. Had he really just said that? "Gojyo, let's go train or something."

"Sure." Gojyo floated after Goku. Both Sanzo and Hakkai watched them leave. Then, there was silence. Awkward silence surrounded them, so thick they couldn't breathe.

"L-look, Sanzo. I-I'm sorry." Goku stuttered, turning away and looking at the floor. "I-I shouldn't have said anything-"

"They why did you?" Sanzo growled, turning his back to Hakkai. "If you were going to regret it, why the hell did you say anything in the first place. You know damn well how I feel about gays. God. It's taken me long enough to get used to the thought of Goku and Gojyo-"

"What?" Hakkai's eyes widened.

_Shit_. "Nothing." He said a little too quickly. Hakkai turned around and stared at the blonde's back.

"What did you say, Sanzo?" His words held poison. Had he heard correctly?

"Ah what the hell. Not like you wouldn't figure it out eventually. Stupid womanizing water sprite and baby monkey are in love with each other. God just the thought of it makes me sick." Sanzo sneered as he imagined it. "It's like I'm the only straight one left. First them now you." He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

Hakkai's jaw hung open. "You've got to be kidding. There's no way! Those two fight like a cat and a dog! Or an old married couple!" Then it struck him. Like an old married couple. Man and woman. Cat and dog. Monkey and water sprite. It all clicked like one big puzzle. "Whe-? How-? Huh?!" He felt so confused.

"Hell I should know! Dumbasses just _had_ to confess when they though I was asleep." He grumped. "If I had the choice I'd boot them from this little trip and you too but I can't. This isn't a one man trip."

* * *

"Yes. You're quite right. I suppose I should make breakfast for Goku when he comes back. He's probably more hungry then he'll admit. Just don't tell him I made it. There's no point wasting food." Hakkai took the bag of food out back and started a small fire. The information was still sinking in. _I hope Goku is hungry when he gets back_.

"What's up with you, monkey?" Gojyo asked, lighting a cigarette as he leaned back against a tree. Goku laid stretched out beside him, resting his head on his hands.

"Don't call me that!" Goku muttered.

"Whatever. Do you hate him so much you won't even eat his food any more?" Gojyo's crimson eyes looked at Goku in question.

"Of course not! I just..." He paused. "I just don't think I can forgive him that easily after what he said." His golden eyes stared in the crimson ones that stared back.

"You're not usually one to hold grudges." He let out a puff of smoke, staring now at the open blue sky. "He was just remembering some shit that happened. Hakkai has had it pretty rough. You know he's not always been demon. He used to be human in fact. Just like Sanzo. Then he killed a thousand demons, being stained in their blood, and became on himself. That's pretty harsh, don't you think?"

Goku shrugged. "Yeah, I guess but what about you? Your mother was a wreck and you got to watch her die. No one wants you because you're a _half-breed_. And Sanzo. He watched his master die by the hands of a demon and had the name Sanzo forced on him at a young age. That's horrible. Then me I mean God... I was locked up in a mountain for five hundred years, not aging a day. All I could do was watch the sun rise and set, day in and day out." He argued.

"But you've always been a demon, I've always been a half-breed and Sanzo's always been human. Hakkai was human. Then his life was changed forever. His girlfriend committed suicide in front of him and he became a demon. Just like the ones who had impregnated his girlfriend. Like the ones who had raped her and put her in a cell."

"How do you know so much about his past?" Goku wondered aloud.

Gojyo laughed. "I've known him for awhile. He would tell me things."

Goku didn't have a reply. Instead he stared at the sky with his boyfriend, wondering what life would be like if the four of them had never met. The thought was a little scary. He'd still be in a cell on a mountain far from here. They'd have never been able to go on such an exciting trip. He'd have never found Gojyo.

"Hey," he said suddenly, "do you love me?"

Gojyo looked down with surprise in his eyes. "What's this suddenly?"

"Well... Do you?"

"Of course I love you, monkey."

Goku's face turned red. "Kappa no baka!" He was quickly on his feet, attempting to hit Gojyo. But he was surprised when Gojyo grabbed his wrists and pulled him into a kiss. "What was that for, kappa?"

"I don't know, monkey. You tell me." He smiled, ruffling Goku's hair.

A few hours had passed before Goku and Gojyo returned to the hut. Immediately Goku whined loudly, "I'm hungry! I skipped breakfast, and then lunch! I'm starving. What's to eat?" He looked around and nearly ran to the table full of food that awaited him. "Is this for me?" He asked, looking up at Sanzo who sat in the window reading.

"Of course it is. Who else would it be for? Hakkai and I've already eaten. The rest is for you two." Goku began shoveling food into his mouth before Sanzo could even finish. "Where do you get all that room in your stomach?" He said in wonderment before returning to the paper.

Before picking up his food Gojyo looked around and asked, "Where's Hakkai?"

Sanzo shrugged. "He and Hakuryuu went some where and said he'd be back soon."

"Whatever ya say priest man." He too shrugged and then delved into the food, ignoring Goku's loud protests.

Outside in the forest, Hakkai sat cross-legged in a trance. He was trying to concentrate his chi. It wasn't working. Hakuryuu sat snoozing on a nearby rock when suddenly, he sat up, rigid. His little body trembled and he let out a loud, "Kyu!" Hakkai's head shot up, too. He felt the presence of another demon. One much stronger, and smarter, then the others that had been sent before it. _Shit! _He thought, standing. His eyes scanned the area before him, hoping to find the fiend before it found him.

Suddenly there was an ear-piercing scream from the hut his friends resided at. And before he could stop himself, Hakkai was running full force back to where he'd come from. The world was a blur as he ran. He was soon back at the little hut. But something was wrong. A body lay on the ground, covered in blood. But the skin was nearly translucent white and the hair golden blond. _What is the demon doing wearing the Maten scripture_? He thought. _And why is he so blond? And..._ He stopped. There was something else wrong with the picture. Both Goku and Gojyo stood protectively in front of the figure. Nyoi-bo was fully extended and Goku's eyes were snake slits. Gojyo held his weapon defensively in front of him.

"Hakkai, watch out!" One of the two screamed. Hakkai couldn't tell which. He'd realized who that was on the ground. It wasn't the demon. It was Sanzo. It was Sanzo who was covered in blood. It was Sanzo who'd let out the ear piercing scream. And it was Sanzo whom the other two companions were trying to protect. Hakkai's blood boiled. He refused to lose another person he loved. He easily dodged the demon who'd come up behind him. Slowly he reached up and removed the earrings in his left ear. His body began to transform until finally it was complete.

The two younger boys stared. When Hakkai moved they couldn't see him. _He's so fast. _Goku goggled him, eyes wide. _Is that what I'm like when I don't have my headband on?_ The question floated in his head as he watched.

Gojyo stared too. He'd never known Hakkai was so powerful. _Is this why he keeps those earrings on? To keep from hurting others in this form?_ All he could do was watch in awe.

But before either of them understood what was really happening, Hakkai and destroyed the demon and was pushing them out of the way. The healer knelt down next to Sanzo and took his hand,measuring his pulse. "God dammit Sanzo! If you die on me now I'll never forgive you!" Slowly he began trying to patch up the wound.

"Hakkai." A familiar voice said. "Hakkai, are you in love with Sanzo?"

**Sorry for the short-ish chapters. I wrote this on a school night so I kind of ran out of time. Chapters one and two are complete. Please R&R.**


	3. Deceit

Sanzo sat on the only bed in the room. His normally perfect skin was covered by bloodied bandages. Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai sat on the floor by his side, Hakkai looking as though he was going to explode. He hadn't taken his eyes off Sanzo since they'd brought him in. He held the priests hand in his own, pressing it to his forehead. "Dammit Sanzo. Please don't die." He murmured. "You promised we'd go west together. The four of us. There's no point to this trip if you're not here with us."

Goku watched Hakkai, weary of his attitude. How could a man, who could say such horrible things, care so much about another's life? Hakkai was like a mother with bi-polar. His emotions switched so often it was hard to tell what he was feeling. Gojyo sat opposite them across the room, one leg pulled to his chest, the other stretched out on the floor. Quietly he muttered, "Maybe you should let the damn monk rest. Hovering won't make him recover any faster." Hakkai shook his head.

"No. I won't move until I'm sure he's okay." His words silenced Gojyo, for Gojyo knew what it was like to nearly lose someone.

---

"_Sanzo! Sanzo get up, please!" Hakkai's voice was pitches higher than it had been, and his heart thumped. What had happened? Why did this always happen to them? "Come on! I know you're alright. You'd never die from something as stupid as this. Please." His voice was becoming desperate. So badly he wanted to shake the priest, but was restrained by Gojyo._

"_Hakkai, are you in love with Sanzo?" Goku had asked, but Hakkai hadn't heard. All he could see was the bloody, dying priest before him. All he could hear was the pounding of his own heart. "Hakkai. Hellloo. Are you in there?" He tapped the healer on the shoulder._

_Hakkai didn't seem to even feel it. "Hayaku!" He ordered. "Help me bring him inside!" He picked up Sanzo's arms and automatically Gojyo picked up his legs, being careful to avoid the gaping hole in Sanzo's side. They made their way inside with Goku bringing up the rear. Quickly, once they'd laid him on the bed, Hakkai began to patch his wounds with the bandages he could find._

"_He's lost so much blood. Goku go fetch water!" He threw an empty canteen at him and Goku left running. He'd never seen Hakkai this serious before._

_'_He really hates seeing people die, doesn't he?_' He thought as he filled the canteen. '_But what's so special about Sanzo? He's just a priest. In fact he even tried killing him once._' The thoughts sat in his usually empty skull as he rushed back. When he'd returned he saw Hakkai huddling over him with something that looked like a needle and a thread of some kind. "What's that?" He asked, handing him the water._

"_Quick patch up." Gojyo said, lighting another cigarette. He hadn't stopped smoking for nearly an hour now. You could tell he was nervous about something. Probably Hakkai going nutzoid on them again. They watched him closely from the corner of their eyes'. After he'd finished, all Hakkai could do was pray that Sanzo would be alright._

_---_

After a few more hours by Sanzo's side Gojyo said, sighing, "I'm going out. I'll be back soon." He turned to leave, and without a word, Goku followed, leaving Hakkai and the priest by themselves.

Like he'd been doing for awhile now, he stayed silently by the bed for hours, his cold hand in Sanzo's. When he felt movement, his head snapped up to see a pair of amethyst eyes staring intently at him. "Will you let go of my hand?" He croaked. Both of them could hear the relief in his voice, although he'd refuse to show it.

Hakkai smiled, breathing a sigh of relief. He slowly let go of Sanzo's hand, wiping the sweat off his hands onto his pants. "How do you feel?" Hakkai asked, worried still.

"Like I've been to hell and back." Sanzo muttered. He attempted to sit up but cringed and fell back to the bed.

"Don't move around too much. You lost a large chunk of your side, my friend." Hakkai warned, looking serious.

"Well ain't that just great?" The monk grumped, closing his eyes again and gritting his teeth. "I don't suppose you have any smokes with you, do you?" Hakkai shook his head.

"Even if I did you shouldn't smoke in this condition. It's bad for you and it will take longer for that wound to heal." He stated matter-of-factly. He was glad that Sanzo was finally awake. Although it'd only been maybe eight hours since it had happened, it felt like a millennium to Hakkai.

"Che. Whatever. Where's Gojyo and Goku?" He asked, looking around the mostly empty hut. Hakkai shrugged.

"He and Goku probably went to find something to do. They were pretty bored here." He smiled. "I would ask you if you were hungry but I don't think you'll be able to eat much." Sanzo was prepared to ask something when Hakkai interrupted, "And no booze either." Sanzo closed his mouth and turned his head away.

Both of them stayed quiet for a minute when the young priest asked, "So who was it that 'saved me'?" The words seemed to pain him. It made Hakkai laugh. He quickly covered by coughing.

"Well... I'm not sure really. I killed the demon but Gojyo and Goku protected you. If it had to be someone it was probably me. Does it bother you?"

He sighed. "A little. I'm supposed to be the one saving your asses all the time. Not the other way around. What use am I if I can't even beat a demon as weak as that?" The irritation in his voice made Hakkai blush. Just the way he said things like that made him want to melt. Even when he'd still had his beloved he'd never felt like this before. "What are you laughing at, healer?"

Smiling like he would at one of his students he replied, "Only you." Sanzo felt his face go slightly red at the comment. Hakkai noticed this and thought he was feeling worse or was going to throw up. "Are you alright, Sanzo? Do you want some water?" Sanzo nodded, recomposing his face.

"Sure. Why not? Can't harm me." His voice cracked and he quickly cleared it. Why was this suddenly happening. It's not like Hakkai was trying to screw him over. In fact Hakkai was acting perfectly normal. Just like he would if he was watching over Goku or Gojyo, save the holding hands part. Slowly the teacher stood and walked over to the canteen he'd placed on the table. He was surprised when Sanzo grunted, "Hey. Did you mean what you said?"

"Hmm?" He turned to see Sanzo staring at him, again.

"The whole confession of love for this fucked up priest. Did you mean it or was it just your head talking to you?" Hakkai blushed to the tip of his ears.

"I don't know what you're talk-"

"Don't play stupid with me. You know damn well what I'm talking about. If you're into guys that's fine, but don't drag me into it. You guys, all of you, are nothing more but extra-baggage that I need for this journey west. I can't change you so I might as well get used to the facts." Hakkai stood frozen. Had he really heard those words from Sanzo's mouth?

"Fine. So I'm 'gay'. What does it matter to you? I'm trying to make sure you don't die so you can continue this ridiculous journey west. Not that you needed me to begin with. All you wanted from me was a quick ride there from Hakuryuu. Other than that I'm useless to you, is that it?" He threw the canteen at Sanzo. It landed with a loud thumb on his stomach, making a loud groan emit from him. "If all I am is extra-baggage, I'm leaving." Hakkai called his dragon to him and left the hut, leaving Sanzo to himself.

Sanzo watched him go, unable to say anything. "God dammit! You know that's not what I meant you bastard! So I'm not a supporter of gays and I'm not great with people. What difference does it make?" And for the first time in years, he felt a tear slide down his cheek, and then another until he was full out crying. "Shit Hakkai. Why do you have to remind me of what I did to my fellow's so many years ago?"

---

Gojyo and Goku had traveled back to where they'd been the day before, the heat of the sun pouring down on them. Gojyo had spread his long body out on the ground, hands behind his head, and Goku had spread out beside him. Both stared absently out at the sky, neither speaking. They both had a lot on their mind.

It startled both of them when Goku suddenly said, "Hakkai never told us whether or no he was in love with that damn monk or not." Gojyo shrugged as best he could.

"What's it to you, monkey? Jealous perhaps?" He teased. "That makes me sad. I thought I was the only one for you."

Goku punched him in the side with his left hand. "No I'm not jealous, kappa. It just seems weird. Sure he's always the one taking care of us but I've never seen him do so much for anyone of us. I guess it's just in his nature to care." Gojyo rubbed his side, frowning.

"That hurt, asshole."

"I'm sorry." Goku replied flatly. Gojyo glared, rolling onto his side to stare. Goku stared back, his golden eyes glittering, and his mouth wide open in a smile.

"You know you really are a pest no matter how you look at it." Gojyo grumbled. Goku rolled to his side, too, now before jumping on top of Gojyo, wrestling him.

"I'm not a pest you stupid womanizer!" Goku roared, trying to pin the older, taller boy to the ground. He almost had him when Gojyo flipped him over and held his hands to the ground. "What are you-?" He was prepared to scream again when the red head leaned in and kissed him.

"I'm not sorry I called you a pest, nor am I sorry that I'm a womanizer. I am sorry though that you got stuck with a jackass like me." He sighed. "Of all people to be stuck with it had to be you. Not _only_ a boy, buta baby monkey with no sense, and a brain the size of an infants, but the heart of one thousand men. Maybe you don't always think about food."

"Get off me,will you? You're heavy!" Goku complained, struggling. "And what do you mean 'stuck with you'? The only one stuck with anyone is us and that damn priest!" Gojyo laughed, loosening his grip.

"Is that so? Well then, I suppose you're stuck with me, while I'm stuck with you while the three of us are stuck with him. Is that your complete analysis?" Gojyo leaned in again for another kiss. Goku met his lips half-way. It was a short, sweet kiss and when they broke apart crimson eyes whispered, "It's been awhile. Since we were completely alone, I mean. Not that anything happened the last time anyway but ya know, I was still -still am- getting used to the thought of being with a dude."

Blushing slightly, Goku looked away. "Well that's really comforting. Would still leave me for a woman of much finer beauty, and probably a much softer body. Kappa."

"Now hold on a second! I never said that! For God knows how many years of my life, I looked at women as though they were my own personal tools. Like they were there for me personally. It's kind of hard to make the switch to someone who has the same, if not higher, level of power as me!"

Goku couldn't help but smile. "Same? You're not even close!" Goku ripped his arms from Gojyo's and wrapped them around the half-breeds neck, yanking him close. Their lips met with heated passion, leaving Gojyo breathless.

"Whoa! Hold on there, monkey. What's gotten into you so suddenly?"

"I. Don't. Know. But. I. Want. You. So. Bad. Right. Now!" His voice had the same tone to it as when he was hungry. Desperate and whiny. Puzzled, Gojyo kissed him again, one hand in Goku's hair, the other placed at his hip. Goku's hands still resided around Gojyo's neck. "Are you willing to feed this baby monkey, kappa?"

"Only if the monkey is willing to accept me as a whole."Gojyo pulled back so he sat on his knees pulling Goku with him. The hands of the said baby monkey, slipped from the water sprites neck to his back, then just above the perfect ass. Between kisses he whispered in the boy's ear, "That's answer enough. Are you ready for me, hmm?" Slowly he began to tug off Goku's shirt.

"Only if you're ready for me." He whispered back, helping to remove his shirt. Gojyo's coarse fingers ran across the toned stomach, taking it all in. Goku laughed. "Hey, stop that! That tickles!" But the red head couldn't resist. The muscles felt so odd under his fingers, but it felt fantastic at the same time. Of all the women he'd slept with, they'd all been weak, with nothing to show for their supposed 'hard work.'

"Wow. For such a weak dumbass, you've certainly got muscles." Gojyo teased, beginning to kiss Goku's neck, letting his hand rest on Goku's right thigh, nearly touching his cock. The feel of the calloused hands against him made the young boy shiver. He'd never felt something so... Gross yet so likable. "And your skin. It's so brown yet it never hits the sun." His tongue tailed over the skin on the monkey's neck.

Goku's body twitched in pleasure. "Yeah, whatever."

Gojyo's hand had moved closer yet, and now rested right on Goku's cock. It felt odd against his hand. It was just a lump against the denim of Goku's jeans. He heard the young boy moan. "Are you alright?" He asked, concerned. Gojyo worried he was hurting him. "I'll stop if you're not ready." Goku shook his head, moaning again.

"Moans of pleasure, dumbass. I'm sorry I'm not a girl so that you'd be used to the weird noises."

"How would you, a little kid, know what sex sounds like?"

"I'm not a little kid!" Goku whined, reaching down and grabbing the older boys ass. Gojyo flinched.

"What the hell was that for?!" He muttered, glaring. He didn't wait for an answer. He simply recaptured Goku's lips with his own, and kissed him until he felt them nearly bleeding. His hand skillfully began to undo his lover's pants, first the zipper and then the button. Goku put his hand over Gojyo's. "Are you not ready yet, for this?" Gojyo whispered, biting ever so lightly into Goku's ear.

Whimpering slightly Goku muttered, "Of course I'm ready stupid water sprite. What makes you think I'm not?"

Smiling he replied. "You keep groaning, and stopping me. I'm afraid I might break you." At that Goku pinched his side receiving a loud yelp. "God damn, stop doing stuff like that!" During this he'd somehow managed to undo the monkey's pants completely, and had slipped his hand down them, grabbing his cock and gripping it tight. Goku bit his lip to keep from screaming.

"Dammit it, Gojyo! Don't do that, kappa no baka!" He could say no more though as Gojyo's skilled fingers began to rub, the fingers rough against the softish skin.

"You can tell you're a total virgin." Gojyo snickered, leaning in to bite the unguarded neck. "I've just started and you're almost there already." The blush on Goku's face made Gojyo go hard. _This feels so... Weird. But yet, so right. _With his tongue he made a trail from the monkey's ear to his neck, then a little further to his raised nipple. Slowly he began to suck on it, biting it ever so lightly with his teeth.

Goku's arms tightened around Gojyo's back. The feeling of Gojyo's hot tongue made him arch his back in pleasure, and moan like an old woman. It felt so, damn, good! His cock felt like it was going to explode but Gojyo didn't stop. His movements got more feverish and intense. "G-Gojyo! Stop! Please! I'm going to explode!" And to his surprise Gojyo did stop. He stopped sucking the the nipple, and looked up, smiling and licking his lips.

"Going to explode? You really are a mess, monkey." The playful tone made Goku want to tear out the half-breeds hair. But it was oddly sexy, too. "Well now then. I'm gonna do things the way I'd do it with a woman. First I'll strip you of these." in one swift movement he'd removed Goku's jeans, throwing them behind him. "And then I'll expose you." He smiled wider as he tugged off Goku's boxers to reveal his throbbing, seeping, cock. "Hmmm." Gojyo pondered aloud. "Should I do it straight or suck....? I wouldn't know... Never done it with a dude before.... Guess I'll go straight in."

"What in the hell are you talking about water sprite?" Goku didn't understand what those words meant. Straight in? Into what? And suck? There wasn't anything to suck besides... When he realized what the water sprite had meant, his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You'll figure it out soon enough. For now, how 'bout you just turn around and get on your hands and knees." The smile on Gojyo's face creeped Goku out a little. But he didn't have time to say anything, for Gojyo grabbed him by his hips, tore him from around his waist and put him on the ground so he sat like a god. His ass was in the air and his cock faced directly at the ground.

Gojyo pulled his own pants down over his hips, followed by his boxers to reveal his own cock, which was practically crying white. _Shit. I never got this hard this fast with a woman. Better get it done quick._ "This is gonna hurt monkey so prepare to scream a little." That was all the warning he gave before thrusting himself inside. And as he was warned, Goku screamed louder than he thought humanly possible.

With each thrust, Goku got only louder, moaning through his throat. He had to bite his lip to keep from screaming too much. What felt like forever, but was only a few minutes, Goku came. His breathing was hard and ragged, and his body twitched as Gojyo came inside of him. They both collapsed to the ground, exhausted.

"Gojyo?"

"Hmm?"

"Is that what they call sex?"

---

After an hour or more staring at the sky, Goku and Gojyo decided to head back to the hut. To their surprise, the only one they found there was Sanzo. He read a paper he must've found, and was gritting his teeth. He hardly looked up as his other two companions entered. "Hey Sanzo?"

"What stupid monkey?"

"Where's Hakkai?"

"The hell I should know!" Goku and Gojyo looked at each other, than Sanzo again.

"You two had a fight didn't you? Stupid monk! Not only is he our ride he's the one who keeps the fucking peace around here!"

Sanzo threw the paper at Gojyo before wincing and screaming at them, "It's not my faut the fucking idiot confessed his gay love to a monk!" The other two stared, speechless.

"What?"


	4. Blood

Hakkai had traveled a long way away, and had long ago lost track of where he was or where he was going. Laughing he said to himself, "I can't believe I lost my temper like that. I mean, Sanzo was just being his normal self. It shouldn't bother me." He hardly noticed as he entered a small shop and was surprised when someone came up to him.

"Um, sumimasen. Can I help you?" A young girl, probably no older than fourteen or fifteen, came up to him smiling, holding a serving tray to her chest.

"Oh, um. Does a glass of water cost anything?"

"No sir." She smiled.

"Then just a glass of water please." Hakkai smiled too, albeit a fake one. He seated himself at a small table near the window and sighed. He was acting like such a child. Sanzo never got to him before so why did it bother him so much now? Perhaps the fact that Sanzo had called him gay, and an idiot, although not in so many words.

"Here you go. Are you sure I can't get you anything else?" The girl placed the water in front of him.

"No thank you." Hakkai smiled again, then turned to look out the window.

It was silent for a moment but suddenly the girl, whom he'd assumed had left asked, "Ne, onamea wa nan desu ka?"

"'Namea wa desu ka'?" Hakkai asked, confused.

"Mm!" She slid into the seat opposite him, and leaned against her hands, smiling.

"Ah, Hakkai. Cho Hakkai" He replied.

"What a pretty name. Mine is Sira."

"Well it's nice to meet you, but is there something you need?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. But you just seemed so sad I thought I might be able to cheer you up."

"Sad?" Hakkai said, puzzled. "I'm not sa-"

Sira placed a finger against his lips and murmured, "You're very sad my friend. I can read it on your face. You have worry lines between your eyes. If you stay frowning, you'll ruin your gorgeous face with those nasty, unsightly, wrinkles."

Taken aback by the girls action, he nearly fell out of his chair. _Am I that readable, that even a complete stranger can tell when I'm distraught? _ "Well I suppose I would get wrinkles."

Sira looked up at him, opening piercing blue eyes to stare at him. "Hakkai-san, did your girlfriend dump you? That's why most men come here. To get drunk because their girls dumped them. I don't think anyone has come here in years just for a water. That's why I find you interesting."

Hakkai chocked on his water slightly. Taking a look around he saw a sore bunch of men on barstools, glasses of liquor in their hands. Many were disheveled in looks, and in manners. "Is that so?" He asked politely. "I'm afraid I wasn't... Dumped, per sé. More like I didn't even get a chance." He smiled slightly then sighed. "Or, I got a chance but ruined it."

"What did she look like?" The intense interest in her voice made Hakkai want to laugh. It was so sincere it was funny.

"Ah I'm not sure. He had hair that was like the golden sun. Droopy, amethyst eyes that looked as though they'd come from hell themselves, and a very muscular body. Although he looked great he had no attitude to match it. He was rude, and arrogant. He had a horrid temper that would make even Satan cringe. He smoked like a chimney. But despite that, he had his good attributes, too. That man took a great deal of pride in protecting his friends, even though we were mostly loose baggage to him."

"He?"

So lost in thought, Hakkai hadn't even heard himself referring to Sanzo as a he, rather than a she. Laughing sheepishly Hakkai replied, "Um, yeah. A friend of mine who I travel with." Sira stared in amazement, mouth hung open.

"Wow." She breathed. "A man as sexy as you... Then again, I can't say it surprises me that much. So, he rejected you?" _Wow. She's taking it much better than I though someone would. Perhaps it's a girl thing?_

"Yeah. It's weird let me tell you. I never expected it. I had a girlfriend but-" He stopped. "Never mind. You'd be bored of the story I'm sure."

"No! Please, continue. If it's too personal, don't feel like you have to."

Sighing he continued, reluctantly, "I'll tell you just this much. My wife was raped by a band of youkai, and then committed suicide in front of my eyes. I loved her very much, but because that vile creature had planted his seed inside her, she could take it no longer. The blood of a thousand demons stains these hands, and this soul, of mine. I'd committed the most vile of crimes and now pay for it." Sira listened, only half-shocked.

"So. You're demon now?" She asked, smiling. "It's what the earrings are for, am I right?"

"H-how did you-?"

She fingered a bracelet she had on her left wrist, a wispy smile on her lips. "I'm like you. I had a man whom I loved with all my heart, but because of my rage I went on a rampage and killed them all. Every last one of them. And today I pay for it. I'm an eternal demon. I can't die. I can't reproduce, and I don't age. It's the worst kind of punishment, don't you think?"

"I suppose so. I'm sorry to hear that. But why haven't you been affected by the minus wave?"

"I suppose that's one of the few blessings of this curse. I'm not affected by things such as that. Because I can't die, I can't get sick. Anyway, you've been here awhile now. Don't you think you should head back to your blond headed beauty?"

"Awhile? It's only been an hour or so!" Hakkai muttered. His water had long gone warm, and he had no intentions of going back to the hot headed monk.

"An hour is still an hour. Do you think pouting like a child is going to resolve anything, Hakkai-san?" Sira's eyes looked as thought they could pierce the very pit of his soul. _This girl, although young, is so mature. I should act more like an adult. For Pete's sake I'm twenty-two years old. I'm worse than my own students!_

"No. You're right. I should go back. I'm sure Goku is starving, the little monkey. And Gojyo will probably wonder where I am." Hakkai stood, stretching. Sira was still gazing at him, giving him an odd look now.

"Goku? Gojyo? Na, are you a part of the Sanzo-ikkou?" She asked, suddenly very serious.

"Ah... Mana."

"Then you must leave here, immediately. Tell absolutely _no one_ you came here. Hakkai-san let me tell you, there are some very dangerous youkai around here and they will do _anything_ to harm you. Stop no where on your way back, and be sure to keep a close eye on your jeep. He may be a strong little dragon, but there's little he can do against the demons wandering around here." To his surprise she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "There. It's a good luck charm, and will hopefully keep the demons from tracking you. Good luck Hakkai-san. I hope Sanzo-sama will understand your feelings." With those last departing words, she shoved Hakkai out the door, then slammed it shut behind him.

For a moment, Hakkai stood speechless, but then came to his senses. "Hakuryuu! Let's go. It would seem we're putting these people in grave danger if we don't go now. I suppose I'll just have to deal with Sanzo. Not like I wasn't going to have to eventually anyway."

"Kyu!" Hakuryuu came from behind the shadow of the buildings, and as he passed, Hakkai jumped into the drivers seat and put him in high gear. As quickly as they could, they disappeared from the cities limits.

---

_An Hour Previous_

"_What do you mean confessed his love, damn monk?" Gojyo asked, wrapping Sanzo in a headlock. "Hakkai isn't gay! He had a girlfriend, damnit!" _

"_Get off me you stupid water sprite!" Sanzo ordered, pointing his gun to Gojyo's head. Slowly Gojyo let go, backing away. "And I just said he confessed his love, now didn't I? Don't make me repeat myself a million times." Sanzo muttered angerly, picking up his paper again, and lighting a cigarette Gojyo'd lent him._

_Gojyo ripped the paper from his hands and threw it at the floor. "Don't fucking mess with me, monk! You probably said something really shitty that pissed Hakkai off. Hakkai's not so childish he'd react so violently to someone rejecting a love invite." Sanzo sighed, and turned to gaze into the blood red eyes of his companion._

"_Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought you did, Gojyo. After all, he is human. Or he was." Sanzo glared, poison in his words._

_The redhead turned away with a loud, "Humph!" before going on to say, "You probably said something stupid. Even if it is true that he confessed...." He stopped mid-sentence, with nothing left to say. The room went into deafening silence. Goku fell asleep against Sanzo's bead, and Sanzo stared out the window. Gojyo had made a commotion of going outside saying "I need some alone time". _

---

Goku woke up, rubbing his eyes. Looking around, he noticed that Hakkai was still not back, and Gojyo was no where in sight. The only two in the room were him and the priest. He looked up to find Sanzo glaring at him. "Finally wake up, baka saru?"

"I'm not a monkey!" Goku howled, nearly hitting Sanzo in frustration.

"Whatever. Get me that canteen, monkey." Glaring, and pouting slightly, Goku reached to the end of the bed and grabbed the metal canteen that felt nearly empty. Without even a thank you, Sanzo snatched it away, and glugged the rest of the water. When he was done, he threw the canteen to the end of the bed, and fell back against the headboard sighing.

"Na, Sanzo?"

"Are you going to ask me something stupid?"

"No. But, I'm hungry Sanzo. When are we eating?" Sanzo hit Goku on the head.

"That was a stupid question! I don't know when we're eating. If you're so hungry make something yourself. Or maybe you're not smart enough."

"Hidoi!" Goku whined, rubbing his head. "You don't have to be so mean about it, Sanzo. How come Hakkai's not back yet?"

"Hell I should know." Sanzo hissed, gritting his teeth. "Go bug Gojyo and leave me alone will you? I have a headache and you're not helping." Reluctantly Goku stood, and was about to slump away but stopped short. The sheet covering Sanzo was stained red. "What is it? Didn't I tell you to scat?"

"Sanzo, are you alright? Your side is gushing blood." Goku leaned over to examine it before gasping. The bandages Hakkai had applied were dripping blood. The whole thing was stained with the monks blood. "Maybe I should change your bandages-?"

"No!" Sanzo hissed, pushing Goku away. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone." He turned away, giving Goku the cold shoulder. Even more reluctantly now, Goku slumped away, out the door. He didn't hear Sanzo mutter, "I'm sorry, Goku, but the only one allowed to change these bandages are Hakkai."

Outside, Gojyo has climbed a tree and was now lazing in one of its higher branches, a cigarette dangling from the side of his mouth. Goku hopped up the tree, stopping on the branch right above Gojyo. "Na, I'm worried about Sanzo. He was bleeding pretty bad."

"Don't worry about that hot head. I'm sure he's fine. And if he isn't, he was just too weak, or too damn stubborn. Either way it's his loss." Gojyo blew a puff a smoke, then snuffed out the cigarette and let it drop to the ground below. "And besides, if he's that persistent, he probably wants Hakkai to change the damn things."

"Hmm." Goku sighed, leaning back against the trunk. "But Sanzo isn't gay. He even said so himself. Then again, we aren't either." He stared at the sky. "But if he dies, then it will've been a waste of our time, traveling all the way out west. Our trip will have been in vain."

"Sure sure. Whatever, saru." Gojyo closed his eyes as he lit another cig. _Come on back, Hakkai. You can't avoid him forever. _The two of them sat in total silence when suddenly, probably half an hour later, they heard the familiar roar of an engine. "Hakkai!" Gojyo sat up and stared as Hakuryuu pulled in front of the small hut. The brown eyed, glasses-wearing healer jumped out of the jeep and ran into the hut, disappearing from view.

"He's back!" Goku chimed, smiling, and drooling, slightly. "I wonder if he's gonna make us lots of yummy food?"

Gojyo cocked an eyebrow, then attempted to knock Goku out of the tree. "That's all you think about! I bet your brain is made of food!"

"It is not!" Goku protested, grabbing onto his branch to keep from falling.

Inside the hut, Hakkai stood panting in front of Sanzo, staring at the red of the sheets. "You, IDIOT!" He screamed, nearly crying. "Why?! Why didn't you let Goku or Gojyo change your bandages? You could've gotten an infection!" He could feel the tears threatening him but he held them back. He fell to his knees and ripped the sheets back to reveal the bloodied bandages. "God damnit, Sanzo. Learn to take care of yourself." He reached over Sanzo and was about to rip off them off, but Sanzo grabbed his wrist. "Sanzo?"

"You... Are a MORON. You should know damn well by now I don't mean half of what I say and the half that is true is still only half true." That's all he said before pulling Hakkai to him and kissing him. He pressed his lips so hard against the others that he thought they were going to bleed. His hand held Hakkai's face to his own and helped to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid into Hakkai's mouth, and he could taste the salt of Hakkai's tears.

Shocked, Hakkai could do nothing but be pulled in by Sanzo. _So this is what it feels like to kiss a man? _He thought, his eyes closing. _It's so different. But it's nice._ He felt himself pull in closer to Sanzo. The muscles felt weird in his hand. After a minute they broke apart, and it took Sanzo another half minute to realize what he'd done.

"Shit." He pushed Hakkai away from him. "What the hell am I doing? God damnit." Stunned Hakkai could do nothing in response. He just sat there and stared at the blond. The kiss had been like taking a piece of heaven itself and placing it to his worthless lips. Of course the kiss had meant nothing to Sanzo. He just sat there rubbing his temples and muttering swear words to himself. "Look Hakkai, I'm sorry. But I'm a frigging monk. Something like this would never go well, and the three heads would throw a fit. Maybe if I'd be someo-"

Sanzo stopped mid-sentence, and grasped his side, an intense moan escaping from gritted teeth. "Sanzo!" Hakkai cried, shocked out of his surprise state. "What's wrong?" Sanzo fell back against the bed and Hakkai's jaw dropped. The monks side was pulsing blood. The bandages had reached their capacity and had torn open. The wound which he'd been so careful to heal had torn as well, and was growing by the second. "Gojyo!" Hakkai screamed. "Gojyo get in here, now!" The red head burst through the door, looking confused and then shocked.

"What the hell is going on here?" He hissed, slightly appalled.

Hakkai was ripping the sheet that had been on the bed into wrap sized pieces. "No time for questions now! Take Hakuryuu to the village that's near here. Find the nearest store that has thread and a needle. And step on it!" Speechless he just stood there. "I said _go_ Gojyo! Do you want him to die?!"

Snapped out of it Gojyo stumbled backwards out the door. Hakkai heard the jeeps engine as it rushed from the scene. Hakkai quickly began to try to stop the blood, putting much pressure on the wound. The tears he'd refused to cry earlier came out like a stream on a windy day. The tears fogged his eyes and made it hard to see but he pressed on, praying to the gods that Sanzo would die in his hands.

"Please Sanzo." He sobbed. "Don't die on me now Sanzo. My heart. I don't think I can take it."

----

When Gojyo got back, Sanzo had fallen unconscious from too much blood loss. Hakkai, although in a state of panic stitched up the wound, not going over it just once. Not just twice. But three times to make sure the stitches stayed in. After they'd finally finished, they all fall against the wall, truly exhausted. "Now all we can do is wait and pray."

---

**Sorry for such the long update wait... I didn't really feel like writing... Also, sorry for the shorter chapter... It was four pages on the computer.... .**


	5. Angst

"_Hakkai, what are you doing? Stop it. I said stop Hakkai!" He threw his head back, moaning. What was this man doing? He'd already rejected him once but now his body burned with pleasure. It flooded his veins and set his body on fire. The soft touch of his fingers and the velvet feel of his lips against his exposed skin. Every thing felt like he'd been sent to heaven. But this wasn't right. No. It couldn't be but another loud moan escaped through his parted lips._

"_Sanzo, come on." The voice whispered like a breeze in his ear. Soft and gentle. Like the petal of a rose. Sanzo was going to succumb to this man, he just knew it. But he had to resist... Had... to... resist._

_One last moan before he screamed, "Hakkai, I'm coming!"_

–_--_

Sanzo's eyes popped open. His body was sticky with sweat, and his heart pounded in his ears. His side ached. Looking he saw that someone had stitched it closed. _That's probably why it hurts. _He rubbed his temples. _And what the hell was that dream? I already said no. Nothing is going to change._

Turning slightly to look out the window he sighed. It was already dark out. When a noise came from the corner he grabbed his gun from under the covers and aimed it where he'd heard it. Slowly he let out an annoyed sigh. "It's just Hakkai." He muttered, setting the gun down again. "Hey Hakkai, do we have any water?" Preparing to throw the sheets back, the same hand he'd seen in his dream stopped him. The skin felt just like he'd imagined. Soft as a rose petal. The thought made his skin crawl.

"You have stay in bed. I don't want your side ripping open again. You've been out for two days now. Sanzo you need to be more careful." Hakkai pulled the sheet back over Sanzo and handed him the canteen he'd made sure to keep cold for the blond. "We're probably going to head out in the morning. We've already spent five days here. It's getting us behind schedule."

"Schedule?" Sanzo asked, gulping the water down like he'd been in the dessert for days. "Since when were we on a schedule? With the damn monkey screaming 'I'm hungry' all the time we shouldn't even think about schedules, let alone keeping one." He threw the canteen to the end of the bed. "Speaking of which where are the other two?"

Hakkai shrugged and sat on the floor, leaning against the bed frame for support. "They decided to go into town for the night. I can guess why but I didn't want to say anything." A half hearted laugh escaped him. "I don't suppose Goku will ever forgive me for saying such rude things."

Sanzo grunted. "Whatever. Where are my cigarette's?"

"They're empty." Hakkai replied.

"You didn't bother to buy any more?"

"Was I supposed to know you were going to wake up any time soon? You were as good as dead, anyway. You were hardly breathing." Hakkai said, his throat tight. _Why does he have to worry about cigarette's right now? His life was just saved._

Sanzo was silent. "Oh." He finally muttered. The two of them sat silent, lost in thought when Sanzo suddenly muttered, "You know Hakkai, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I don't think."

Hakkai sighed. "I've already forgiven you, Sanzo. Don't worry about it any more." Hakkai felt an ice cold hand on his shoulder. "Sanzo?" The hand moved slowly from his shoulder to under his chin, and he face was lifted upwards, meeting the pair of lips waiting for him. His breath caught in his throat. When their lips parted, Hakkai asked, "Sanzo are your delusional or something? Do you know what you're doing?"

"I'm well aware of what I'm doing, Hakkai." He replied, his hand moving slowly down Hakkai's chest. Slowly Hakkai turned to look into the pools of amethyst. They were more sincere then he'd seen in awhile. He felt a tug at the buttons of his shirt, and he quickly helped to undo them. He went in for another kiss and was yet again surprised when Sanzo met them halfway. He opened his mouth slightly, feeling Sanzo's hot breath. It tasted of cigarette's and alcohol.

Porcelain white hands traced the muscles on his stomach and he shivered. _What an odd sensation._ He thought, closing his eyes. Sanzo slipped his tongue into Hakkai's mouth, his eyes closing as well.

_What am I doing? This isn't right. I should stop. But I can't. Not now. It feels.... _Truthfully he didn't know how to explain in words what he was feeling right now. He just knew that it made his body burn in pleasure. Hopefully, he wouldn't regret doing this tomorrow.

He felt Hakkai's tongue twine with his own and his entire body twitched. It was so hot and slippery.... And soft. So incredibly soft. Slowly Hakkai had to turn his entire body around to get more comfortable. Sanzo took the chance to tear Hakkai's shirt completely off. It reveled the well worked muscles, however small they were. After they broke apart to breathe Hakkai murmured, although he'd thought against it, "Sanzo, are you sure you should do this? We don't want your wounds ripping open again."

"If you'd stitched them anymore I would've shot you." Sanzo muttered back, leaning over to kiss the younger man on the neck. "And I obviously don't think I should be doing this, but tell me when I've ever really listened to my head." Hakkai laughed and reached up to run a hand through the golden strands that lay atop Sanzo's head. It felt extremely soft. Like silk. A sigh escaped his lips as Sanzo made a professional tail down his neck with kisses.

"You've been with many partners." Hakkai said, more statement then question.

He felt Sanzo shake his head slightly. "Nope. You're the first." He pulled Hakkai up off the floor and pulled him on top, still landing expert kisses near his neck and collarbone.

"Must you be an expert at everything you do, show-off?" Hakkai teased, shifting to get more comfortable. In doing so he felt himself brush every so slightly against Sanzo's cock, sending intense shivers down both their bodies. "Well, perhaps even you aren't perfect," Hakkai snickered, correcting himself.

Sanzo had paused in his movements. "So," he started slowly, "this really _is_ your first time with... another..." He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Sighing Hakkai leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Sanzo's, and nodded ever so slightly.

"'Fraid so. Does it disappoint you that you're not the only one?" Sanzo rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a girl Hakkai, whatever you may or may not think." Then to Hakkai's utter surprise Sanzo reached behind him and grabbed his butt cheek, pulling him down on top, intentionally bringing the slowly hardening cock's together. In a split-second Hakkai felt the air rush out of his lungs, leaving him nearly hyperventilating. There was just the faintest blush along Sanzo's cheek bones. He hadn't expected his to be so hard. Especially since it was his first time... Or maybe it was _because_ it was his first time that he'd hardened so quickly. To be truthful, he was still a virgin. Right to his very core.

Refusing to look like a girl Sanzo started to kiss Hakkai again, planting tiny kisses up his cheek until planted his lips squarely on Hakkai's. Taken by surprise he had to adjust. They brushed together again but Hakkai pretended to take no notice. Instead he reached up and began to stroke the silken hair. When they broke apart to breathe, Sanzo was smiling. Actually, truly smiling. He'd never done that before. Ever.

Before Hakkai could say anything though Sanzo recaptured his lips. As payback, Hakkai reached down and began playing with the pink nipple that tempted him so. This time it was Sanzo who backed away, taken by surprise. Did it hurt? Was in invigorating? What was going on? All he knew was that single, small moans escaped his lips. Genuinely surprised Hakkai began doing what Sanzo had earlier, leading small kisses from the neck down. The hand that wasn't already busy went about its business undoing Sanzo's jeans, starting first with the belt, then the button and finally the zipper. Slowly it creeped underneath the hem of Sanzo's boxers and all he could do was moan as the cold hand began to stroke his hardened cock.

Hakkai was surprised at the length and width of Sanzo's cock. He himself had never compared to anybody. Anyway, he continued, listening to each hastened breath Sanzo took and relished in it. Who would have ever thought that Sanzo could make such a face? The amethyst eyes were squeezed closed and the pale lips just slightly parted. His chest heaved in and out with every breath. After a few more strokes, Hakkai was so hard he could hardly stand it. Quickly he undid his own pants and started to pump in unison with the hand that pumped Sanzo's. It was hard to do both and soon he found himself going harder on his own then Sanzo's and Sanzo wasn't moaning as much any more. When he noticed Hakkai's attempt at his own, he took it into his own hands to help. He slapped Hakkai's hand away and began to pump harder and faster then Hakkai had been doing himself. It left the younger man to complete the other job at hand, although both were groaning in sheer pleasure.

A moment later Hakkai felt himself bite his lip to keep from screaming as he released. Sanzo was still hard. What was he going to do? For a moment he stopped. But then he got an idea. An idea that would probably get him in trouble with Sanzo. Slowly, he inched his way down Sanzo's body until his lips rested gently against the older mans navel. Little butterfly kisses made their way with precision down the rest of his body to the very tip of the hardened cock. Sanzo took a quick, sharp breath. It quickened more as he felt Hakkai's tongue making circles around the crown. "Hak-kai, what the hell do you think y-you're doing?" He asked, his head hitting the pillow as he bucked slightly into Hakkai.

He didn't reply as he continued on with what he was doing. After a moment he let his mouth slide over the entire cock, listening as Sanzo let out a moan so loud it damn near shook the walls. Hakkai closed his eyes and began to pump hard and fast, keeping his mind elsewhere as he showed such and offense act. He only kept his mind enough the hear Sanzo's moans and grunts of pleasure. The soft skin felt odd in his mouth. It was so odd and such an exotic feeling it made his mind reel and made him wonder again and again _why am I doing this_? It didn't take long for his reply as Sanzo's body arched upwards hard and fast and his entire body twitched while he moaned. Then a rush of hot, white flooded his mouth as Sanzo came. Surprised, Hakkai swallowed, wincing as some went down the wrong tube. Coughing he looked up to see Sanzo breathing rapidly, a long muscled arms held over his face.

Swallowing Hakkai said hesitantly, "Sanzo?"

"Hnn?" he responded, not looking at him.

Sliding off the bed onto the floor he muttered quietly, "I'm sorry."

"Humph."

The room went silent and Hakkai leaned into his legs and cried, for the manyth time in the last few days.


End file.
